I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize