tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
