i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
