Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
