She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
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i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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