he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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