Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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