I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
