I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
