I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
