i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
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She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
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He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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