Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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