so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
