I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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