There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
