my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
