we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
