I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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