his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
