two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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