no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
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I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
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I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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