Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
