At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
