dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
