Do vagina's smell?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
