Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
