I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
