new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
