Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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