It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
