I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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