Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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