He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
