she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize