You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize