Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
