dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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