Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
