I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
