Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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