If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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