I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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