Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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