We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
