So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
