i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
