I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
