walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
