Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
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because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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