i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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