Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
