How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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