Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
