Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
