Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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