Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
