Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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