your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
