Jerry, you need to find god
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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