Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My first STD was from a foam party
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
