So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
