Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
