tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
