Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
