what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
there is glitter all over my balls
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
