Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
