I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
