You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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