it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
