i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Found your dick twin last night
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
